Los Angeles 2000 : “It’s Where Jay Leno Lives”

The music scene for mid ‘90s to early 2000’s San Diego is pretty legendary but for the most part I had been out of the loop on what was going on in my home town. I went to a lot of ska and punk shows in High School and occasionally came across something more interesting like the time I saw Los Kagados at a very early incarnation of the Voz Alta space near 16th and C. I heard a lot of the members went on to form Run For Your Fucking Life but the main thing I remember is that the singer was double jointed and contorting his arms and wrists at odd angles with an almost Iggy Pop-like stage presence. One of them had just gotten a colorful neck tattoo of a pair of dragons or something like that – it was so fresh that the skin was visibly raised and puffy.

These details stick out in more focus than any of the ska shows I went to at Soma or the World Beat Center for some reason. Maybe it was just the feeling of being downtown and in an alternative art space instead of a more curated all ages club – this could have been anywhere from 1996 to 1998. I guess they were a hardcore band, a lot of my friends at school talked about hardcore but I didn’t know anything about it and wasn’t particularly interested. For whatever reason I was really into ‘80s New Wave at the time, the stuff that was more synth heavy and classified as “New Romantic”. There was a lot of it in the record bins of Thrift Stores which helped.

My other chance encounter with the more remembered music scene of the time was that I somehow ended up at a space on Union and Beech and saw Tristeza. I don’t know what genre I would have classified it as at the time but I definitely liked it and bought the first seven inch, the one that was printed with gold foil on heavy black paper, when I saw it at Off the Record. At this point I had bought some CDs from local ska bands but this was my first time getting small label seven inches with Art object style presentation until I ended up at the Fireside Bowl in Chicago later that same Summer.

I went to Union and Beech at least one other time when Francois and I had missed the last bus back toward East County and spent the night wandering the streets downtown. The space was hosting a rave and we snuck in to get off the streets but spent most of the night sleeping in a closet instead of dancing. When it was getting toward dawn we realized that we had been sleeping next to a gorilla mask and one of us took off our shirt and ran out of the closet to dance around for a minute with the mask on. Oddly I can’t seem to remember which one of us it had been – maybe we both did it and took turns.

By the time we drove back to San Diego in the early Summer of 2000 I had gotten a lot more experience navigating music scenes. For my year at SFSU there was a surprisingly robust music community centering on shows in our Student Union and both twee and J-pop; bolstered by the high number of trendy Japanese exchange students. The kid who set them up was in a band called Wussom*Pow! that recorded a Strawberry Switchblade cover and helped me sneak into shows at bars like Edinburgh Castle. My first forays into bars were spent staring in fascination as cigarette smoke slowly drifted against a backdrop of dark velvet curtains and twinkling white Christmas lights – I didn’t drink yet.

I tried to convince Michael from Wussom*Pow! to set up a show for Tristeza in the student Union. I don’t even know if they were actually touring or looking – I just really dug that first 7 inch. I described the music as “emo” because some band members had black hair and that’s what I’d heard the social scene called but he said it was “space rock”. The show never happened to the best of my memory.

I was beyond clueless about the bulk of underground music then. I remember seeing a flyer on campus advertising a Melvins show that would have been small and intimate but I had no clue who that was even though Little Four had talked up The Thrones from a live set at Locust House and I was eager to see it.

Actually there was a show in the SFSU student Union where Thrones was supposed to play but Michael took Joe off the bill out of fear it would be “too loud”. They were on tour with The Rapture who you most likely saw on the flyer at the top of this piece and will pop back up in just a minute. The singer/guitarist (or was it bassist?) was jumping onto tables while playing and the Japanese girls in the audience would shriek and run a few feet away in a combination of surprise and delight.

I thought the most striking thing about the San Diego scene at that time was that Tristeza had a 7 inch that played at 33 RPM while The Locust released a twelve inch that played at 45. I felt the duality of how this went again convention in both directions said something poignant about what was happening in my home town but at the time I became more interested in other city’s music scenes.

After house sitting for a punk TA from one of my Physics classes in a Mission district apartment I spent most of the Summer of 1999 in San Diego before driving out to Chicago with Francois. San Diego music, especially The Locust, was intensely popular in the Midwest by this point but we knew next to nothing about it. We wouldn’t have known anything at all if we hadn’t convinced Little Four to move up to the Bay Area with us and gained access to the record collection she had curated from living behind and going to shows at the “Locust House” on 24th and E.

The scene around the Fireside Bowl in Chicago that year was primarily hardcore and math rock but also a lot of the theatrical experimental stuff that was coming out on the SKiN GRAFT label. I finally started to get into the hardcore most of my contemporaries were so fascinated with but the artier stuff was my real fascination. The two styles generally peacefully coexisted and informed and fed into each other but I do remember one situation when they came into direct conflict.

The band Black Dice was passing through town and a big group of people went up to Milwaukee because they were playing a basement show. I don’t think they were ever really a traditional hardcore band but their earliest stuff was closer to sounding like it and their first seven inch was on Gravity Records which was generally known as a hardcore label. I did a little bit of digging and figured out this show was in May of 2000 at a place called Bremen House.

I actually didn’t know that the band had a reputation for being physically confrontational and attacking their audience and breaking other people’s equipment but all of that would have played a factor in what ended up happening because I just read a different account that said people at the show were already planning on fighting them. From what I saw they were just playing unconventional and noisy music like lots of guitar feedback and drumming in odd time signatures when a bunch of straight edge hardcore guys assaulted them for “not being hardcore”. I’ve always thought of the incidence as “genre violence” – purely instigated by a band not playing in an expected and dogmatic style.

The main reason I think this is that one of the attackers was literally yelling “this isn’t hardcore” or “this isn’t what hardcore’s about” or something along those lines. The frustration was palpable when somebody in the band yelled back:

“We never said it was!”

The other account I read said that the singer threw beer on a straight edge guy but the way I remember it he was just pacing and thrashing around with an open tall can in his hand so that small amounts might have splashed onto people. The thing I have the clearest mental image of is dudes just running up on the bassist and guitar player and throwing punches at them while they tried to defend themselves as best as possible while being encumbered by their instruments. A lot of their equipment ended up getting broken and their attackers slashed the tires on their tour van as a parting gift.

I overheard somebody from either Black Dice or The Rapture, the band they were touring with, react to this final surprise with a touch of weary dark humor:

You’d think that if they didn’t want us here so much they wouldn’t make it so hard for us to leave…

I’ll throw the link I found underneath here so you can read and judge for yourself but even though I was there I don’t think I know enough to say if what happened in Milwaukee was just straight edge hardcore guys being typical violent assholes or a case of chaotic and destructive energy catching up with the people who had been irresponsibly pumping it out into the world. Maybe it was some of both. It’s interesting that the street was called Bremen as the Grimm Brothers fairytale called The Bremen Town Musicians is basically about a group of animals who have outlived their usefulness spontaneously turning into a noise band.

https://know-wave.com/black-dice/

One thing that I didn’t realize at the time was that Eric Copeland from the band had been part of an earlier project I really liked called The Ninjas that put out a couple of records on a label called Black Bean and Placenta Tape Club. It sounded like twee pop combined with uncharacteristically aggressive distorted guitars. I only mention this because I haven’t had the records for years or been able to find them uploaded on the internet anywhere in case somebody reading this might have them and a way to put them up somewhere.

San Diego in 2000 had a surplus of really good bands that seemed to have all formed over the past couple of years. I hadn’t actually seen either Three Mile Pilot or The Shortwave Channel but the core members of both groups were now playing as The Blackheart Procession and Camera Obscura respectively. One of the best bands to see live was the instrumental organ heavy doom metal outfit Tarantula Hawk who often had body modification enthusiast Eddie Castro suspending himself from hooks pierced through his skin and illuminated by a projection of black and white static. I wasn’t twenty one yet and every bouncer in town knew who I was so I spent a lot of shows standing just outside the door to listen and peeking inside of places like The Turquoise Room at the long defunct Aztec Bowl.

This story begins with an all ages Blackheart Procession show about halfway between San Diego and Los Angeles at the Koo’s Cafe in Santa Ana. Lightning Bolt would be playing at The Smell either the next day or the one after that so I got a ride up with the plan of trying to find kids at the show who would be returning to Los Angeles instead of returning with my ride to San Diego. I had gotten pretty confident with approaching strangers to ask for things like rides but the best I found was a couple kids who lived in Burbank. They both offered the same nonsensical explanation when I asked what part of LA that was:

It’s where Jay Leno lives…”

They didn’t have the kind of parents that would be receptive to unexpected overnight guests so it was up to me to figure out a spot to sleep until public transit resumed in the morning. The neighborhood was the kind with large expensive ranch style houses, or whatever you call the style with stucco and adobe roofs and lots of little wrought iron railings, that also had thick hedges between them so they thought I might be able to hide underneath somebody’s bushes.

I laid out underneath one experimentally but immediately felt conspicuous and almost guaranteed to experience police harassment if I didn’t find something a little more discreet and less residential. Walking toward the traffic lights eventually brought me to a strip mall and a doughnut shop with the kind of locked roof access ladder you can climb by wedging your foot between the metal and the building. When I got to the top I could see that the roof was covered with the big chunked and sharp edged gravel that blankets accessible roofs and forsaken landscaping across Los Angeles.

If I had to spend a night in this sort of setting now I would locate a dumpster for cardboard, and probably just stay next to it, but I was a lot younger and less experienced. I did find a newspaper machine with free Auto Trader booklets to give me something to prevent having to sleep with my face right against the gravel. I’m sure a lot of people would struggle to fall asleep in this kind of environment but I’ve always enjoyed the rough urban camping – no sooner had I stretched out then I was waking up to the harsh glare of sunlight in my eyes and the unmistakable smell of fresh doughnuts and coffee.

I shimmied back down the ladder and came inside to be the first customer of the day. Wall length mirrors seem like an odd decor choice for the type of business that primarily serves the homeless and the sleep deprived but it did give me the opportunity to notice that I had a few lines of newsprint smudged across my cheek in the reverse of how the letters appeared on the page. I wonder if the man behind the cash register realized where I had just come from or if he would have even cared – I certainly wasn’t staying.

My next destination was an apartment my friend Tim shared with some other graduates of the USC film program near Hollywood and Highland. When I stepped off my final bus a pair of bright red sunglasses sat on the plastic bench like they were waiting for me to herald my arrival in Tinseltown. It’s not that deep – I was twenty years old, I put them on my face and walked to my friend’s apartment and knocked on the door and fell back asleep on his couch.

I had scarcely drifted back off when I found myself suddenly and violently woken back up by police yelling and pointing guns and putting everybody in handcuffs. I was probably the only person there who had absolutely no idea what any of it was about but it didn’t take them very long to find the objects and person they were looking for and leave the less immediately culpable among us to explain what was going on to each other.

I’ve mentioned in other places that Tim’s graduating class was the last year that the USC film program would be done using Super 8 and chemical developing processes before making the switch to various digital video mediums. One of his roommates had rationalized to himself that school equipment like cameras, editors and projectors was about to fall into disuse and it would be essentially harmless to appropriate it and even arguably beneficial as it would allow the equipment to continue to be used for its designed purpose.

I don’t know all the details but it must have been easy enough to falsify whatever logs were used in checking out this equipment to obfuscate the identity of whoever had ended up in possession of it. After a few months had gone by with no sign that anybody was looking the assumption was most likely made that nothing would be missed and he put a couple of things up on eBay. By modern standards this is an obvious rookie mistake but in early 2000 the entire concept of cybercrimes was relatively new and most people wouldn’t have immediately realized that anything done online is immediately and easily traceable.

Considering the kinds of things I would be getting into and people I would be hanging out with by the end of the year it’s interesting that my first experiences with many aspects of the criminal Justice system were with a friend I’d generally think of as being on the “straight” side of things. We spent the day driving around and running errands related to the morning’s sudden development.

Our first stop was a seedy bail bondsman’s office on the second floor of the parking lot strip mall that divides Chinatown and Pueblo Los Angeles. I’d gotten into plenty of petty offenses like trespassing, vandalism and even theft of things like a whale skeleton and motorized bumper boat – but so far had never actually gotten charged or caught. Downtown San Diego was full of businesses like the one we visited, and I often spent stranded nights wandering streets where their neon signs were the only things open for business, but I had never really thought about actually needing their services.

Tim was essentially guiltless himself and clearly enjoying playing the role of a character in a crime movie. There was one other friend who also had film equipment from the school and didn’t seem to have been raided by the police yet. Tim gave him a call to warn him to get rid of it but first he drove to a building on Wilshire with a loud outdoor fountain “in case anybody was trying to record his voice”. I seriously doubt that he honestly believed that this level of precaution was necessary but the cloak and dagger intrigue was fun for playing make believe.

Once all that was finished Tim took me to sneak into Universal Studios Hollywood by way of the soundstages in its backlot. He had an ID badge to get past the guard booth from his production work and instructed me to make up a common name for somebody I was supposed to be visiting. I think I went with “John Elliot” – I could see over the guard’s shoulder when he typed this into the computer that the only thing it needed to verify was if someone with this name had worked there ever.

They’ve probably beefed up security protocols since then.

From the backlot it was very easy to slip under a guardrail and get in line for the Jurassic Park ride. Thankfully the ET Adventure dark ride was still open and I got to see the bright psychedelic section with animatronic living flowers that is supposed to represent the titular character’s home planet. At the beginning of the ride they have all the passengers type their names into a computer so ET can offer personalized thanks at the conclusion.

I was curious how the computerized speech module might interpret my unique name after hearing it butchered by substitute teachers throughout my school career. It’s spelled “Ossian” but pronounced “ah-shin” and nobody’s ever gotten it on a first try. The tiny brown alien waved as we drifted toward the exit; addressing each person in turn:

Thanks Walter and Deborah and Timmy and…”

The figure went silent and abruptly stopped moving. Maybe there was a module in place to prevent the figure from vocalizing profanities in a family park and it scanned the first three letters as an attempt to get it to say “ass”. Whatever the cause I found it amusing that the beloved character chose to make no attempt to address me whatsoever.

Emboldened by the ease we’d had in gaining access to the amusement park Tim went from stage to stage searching for an unattended golf cart. Once we had one he took me on a ride flying off curbs and doing loops around the courthouse square set used in Back to the Future. When the evening came on I needed to get downtown for the Lightning Bolt show.

This may well have been the first time that I ever went to The Smell. I knew that it was around Third and Main and when Tim dropped me on the corner in his little convertible Datsun I could already hear Lightning Bolt playing but I didn’t know exactly where I was supposed to go. It took a minute of running around before I realized that the entrance was in the alley and ran inside. They were playing in the corner of the room away from the stage – the space was huge and mostly empty; in less than a year Ride the Skies would come out and they’d be exploding with popularity.

At this point I’d already exchanged at least a couple of letters with Brian Chippendale. I’d been trying to order some Maggots mini comics and the Zone cassette that accompanies their first album. I got the tape but never got the comics – he apologized and gave me a copy of the Conan Tour Seven Inch instead. It was barely a couple days since I caught the ride up to Santa Ana from San Diego and now I was about to head back down.

I’ve talked a lot about how incredibly quickly everything was happening that year but it’s fun to lay things out on a comparative timeline. The Milwaukee show where Black Dice was attacked was at the beginning of May. I didn’t realize how closely they and Lightning Bolt were related yet but I might not have even heard Lightning Bolt yet either. My first show as Spidermammal with Deerhoof was a couple weeks later and then we were moving back to San Diego.

I don’t know when this Lightning Bolt show at The Smell was but I’m going to guess some time in June. Not long after Deerhoof came through the same venue and played with xbxrx. By July I was back in Chicago running into xbxrx playing with Missing Tooth from the Spidermammal show. In August I was living at Fort Thunder, got to read all of Chippendale’s comic notebooks and set up a show for xbxrx that wouldn’t be happening until I’d already left town.

All of this is just dates and band names but the point was that everybody was constantly on tour or traveling and writing each other letters and this loose grouping of what you’d call noise rock bands were crossing each other’s paths and playing together and a few of them were about to become hugely commercially successful. There isn’t any microgenre or -core or -wave name for the thing that was going on but it was definitely a certain kind of energy and the clock was ticking until 9/11 and everything changing.

After the Lightning Bolt show I walked across Skid Row to the Greyhound station for what was probably the first time and I wouldn’t have had any idea that I was about to be traveling to Fort Thunder and Providence and meeting some people that would make it so I probably spent as much time riding Greyhounds over the next two years as I did living in actual houses. I only knew that something exciting was happening and I didn’t care how far I had to travel or where I had to sleep as long as I could be there and be a part of it.

I couldn’t have known that this world had a looming expiration date but the way I was moving you’d almost think I did.

Chicago 2000 : The Uninspiring and Deeply Problematic Debut of Spidermammal.

There were two things I wanted to accomplish while I was still a teenager. I wanted to lose my virginity and I wanted to grace the stage as a formally billed original artist. I remember very little about checking off the first of these boxes but I accomplished the second a scant few months before my twentieth birthday. If my band mate had wanted to boast this same accomplishment he would have been three years too early.

The path that brought me to the experimental milieux that would become my musical home had been a circuitous one. While my high school years were spent collecting Residents records and performing John Cage’s iconic 4’33 at the talent show the only concerts I was experiencing were a lot more traditional. Everything was a variation on indie rock, ska, punk or hardcore.

By senior year I was ostensibly in an actual band. My friend Tim had a shock of boyish blonde hair, an effortless smile and a sporty little Datsun convertible. He carried himself like the protagonist of a lost John Hughes movie. We had just collaborated on a series of Super 8 short films he had created as a student of the USC Film School and he decided our next project should be musical. Every decision was made in deference to image: I ended up playing bass because I was tall and he thought I would look cool with a low hanging strap.

Our friend Brandi had freckles, a blonde pixie haircut and a penchant for smart looking vintage dresses. I’m not sure if we ever decided what instrument she would have been playing but it was hardly the point. We called ourselves The Singles and took a series of promotional band photos in the spirit of Blondie’s Parallel Lines. We were doing ‘80s retro doing ‘50s retro, no matter how many layers you went down it was all pastiche.

When Brandi needed temporary roommates for her first apartment off campus from Chicago’s De Paul University it seemed like the stars had aligned for a big city Singles summer. We made the cross country trip with a middle aged High School teacher with a chronic Peter Pan Complex. He seemed more at home in our teenage friend group than he ever did in the company of his adult peers.

The expedient fiction of The Singles as a musical trio never quite survived the transplant to the harsher Chicago soil. I don’t remember Brandi ever explicitly stating that she wasn’t interested in being in the band anymore but all of the sessions were Tim and I playing with a cassette four track in our shared bedroom. We wrote songs about a Lake Michigan life guard, a big rig trucker and a truck stop waitress. Our style could best be described as pop punk due to our relatively limited musicianship.

It was nearly time to return to California and our respective colleges when we noticed a line of fashionable teens and twenty somethings snaking out of a nearby Bowling Alley. In 1998 The Fireside Bowl was still putting on shows that could truly be called eclectic. The size of the American underground meant that acts of diverse genres often wound up sharing bills. After a tasting flight of several flavors of indie rock a young trio of Venezuelan and Cuban-Americans from Miami took the stage.

The members of Monotract would go on to become some of the biggest names in American Noise Music but at this point they had barely begun their experiments in improvised music. Watching them set up their gear one could have easily assumed that the ensuing performance was going to be some species of a punk rock power trio.

It wasn’t.

How do I describe my first experience with face melting noise music to someone who has never succumbed to it’s seductive charms? It was as liberating and exhilarating as the accidental discovery at four years old that I could simply decide to piss on the floor instead of into the toilet. A phrase like “drunk with power” seems to just about sum it up. It felt like I had discovered a secret playground where anything was permissible and neither God nor parent could ever touch me.

Watching Monotract I was taken with their brazen sense of self assuredness, the palpable sexual tension between Roger Rimada and Nancy Garcia, their obvious indifference to the attitudes and expectations of their audience. For seven or so minutes they used drums, guitars and microphones in ways that I had never imagined were even possible. They were rough and they were new but they seemed like they were in perfect three way psychic communication. They were making it up as they went along but everything they did seemed correct.

As they left the stage Tim looked at me and smirked:

We could have done better than that!”

I knew at that moment that I could no longer pretend to be in The Singles. It wasn’t that we were no longer on the same page regarding music and performance. We had found ourselves in different books.

Back in California I moved with Francois and Jonas to the Bay Area to begin my single year as a Physics Major at San Francisco State University. I had begun corresponding with some of the members of Monotract like I did with every artist that excited me in these years of youthful exuberance. I had made a few experimental recordings using a karaoke machine as an improvised four track and sent Roger a poorly recorded copy. I was still playing bass but now I was resting it against a small shiatsu massager. I mixed in scratching sounds on a 78 rpm red shellac record of frog calls and percussion from a metal bowl with a shifting puddle of water.

Monotract embarked on a second U.S. Tour that brought them to San Francisco’s Club Cocodrie. I showed up in the afternoon knowing I would somehow find them. I had an uncanny ability to cross paths with anyone I was set on seeing in those days. Once I met Brandi at the airport when the only information I had been given was the date of her arrival. I just stepped off the bus, walked toward the terminal and there she was. It unnerved her mother. The best way I can explain it is some form of psychic sense that people had before we became reliant on cell phones. There was no way to synchronize every minute movement so we simply found each other.

I ended up in a car with the members of Monotract and some of their friends from Kreamy ‘Lectric Santa. The show was 21 and up so I was depending on them to somehow sneak me into the bar. They smoked weed and did whippets while I hung out and made conversation. I hadn’t yet relinquished my straight edge.

Once inside The Cocodrie I was about to experience a performance from my new favorite band. They had been talked up by a friend in my Calculus class that I shared a passion for experimental noise with but this would be my first time actually seeing Deerhoof. I had snagged a copy of the Come See The Duck 7 inch based on his recommendation but had been mistakenly playing it at 33 rpm before I knew how Satomi’s vocals sounded.

After this show I realized my error and thereafter played it at the proper 45. This was the short lived lineup from their album Holdypaws: Greg, Satomi, Rob and Kelly. They were moving away from the raw, noisy roots of their first album and seven inch but hadn’t fully transitioned to the pop aesthetics of their most popular work.

I remember Rob hopping back and forth on the edges of his feet as he delivered slashing guitar riffs, Greg perched awkwardly on a milk crate as he pounded the edges and surfaces of his drums with splintering sticks, Kelly accentuating the pauses with twinkles of cheery synthesizer and Satomi just beginning to explore the innocent then grating vocals that would become the band’s trademark. They ended the set with an extended version of the song Data that held the entire club in breathless, enchanted silence.

I ended up back in Chicago after realizing that I wasn’t ready to be tied down with college and had started a correspondence with Greg Saunier. They were going to need an extra show in Chicago for their upcoming tour and I had gotten to know Brian Peterson from The Fireside well enough to book it. Setting up the show meant that I got to play it so it was time to put together a project.

I can’t remember how I made up the name Spidermammal but I probably just liked the way it sounded. I didn’t think that just me messing around on a bass would make for enough of a spectacle so I asked Justin if he wanted to be in a band with me. Justin was a poorly supervised ten year old who terrorized the block of Belden Avenue where me, Francois and most of our friends lived.

Now that Justin and I were in a band together I started spending more time with him to learn what he was like. He was probably putting on a bit of a show to impress his new teenage friend but he moved through the neighborhood like a chubbier take on Bart Simpson. When we passed a group of men passing around a joint he’d pipe up:

“Hey! Lemme get a hit of that weed!”

They shrugged and held it out so he yelled back “Hell No! I don’t do drugs!” then ran off laughing. Our walk next brought us to an automotive garage with the sliding metal door barely opened for airflow. He leaned down and tucked his head into the workspace. Cupping a hand around his mouth to direct and amplify his voice he yelled out “Ya Motherfucker!” then scampered off silently.

The man who had been working on a car looked around in confusion. The echo had created the illusion that the insult had come from some unseen person inside the actual building.

Sometimes Justin would come by to gripe about his troubles. After a frustrating day he’d complain:

“What I don’t understand is what’s the point of me even going to school? I gotta buy my own lunch!”

He missed his absent father and would pretend that he had a magical ring that he could use to communicate with him. He got in trouble for following a girl his age home from school, compounded by the fact that he was carrying a pocket knife. His family was from Tennessee and he’d clearly picked up some negative influences. He made racist remarks to Michelle who was Black and Janice who was Korean:

“Why do your eyes look all Ching Chong?”

This would always get him yelled at and kicked out but he eventually showed back up. On some level I must have realized that he desperately needed a positive role model and I was trying in some odd way to be one. I told him to start coming by my house after school so we could practice.

I was trying to teach myself to sing and play bass at the same time but I didn’t have a mic stand. Instead I stood and sang into the corner where two walls met figuring it wouldn’t move. Justin came striding in and laughed when he saw what I was actually doing.

“It looked like you were jerking off on the wall!”

Even though I was able to pull this off on several songs without losing time at our show the skill had atrophied by the time I tried to do it again thirteen years later. I was supposed to be doing it in a two piece band with Dalton but after a string of frustrating rehearsals we decided I would play drums and sing while Dalton took over bass in what became Dealbreaker.

Back at Spidermammal practice I gave Justin a microphone and started playing a jazzy bass riff that had actually been written by Brandi. He sang a bunch of “rotten made out of cotton” type jump rope rhymes but the boys and girls had been replaced by kids and grownups. It was the kids that were always rotten in his lyrics while the grownups were dandy and made out of candy. I’m not sure if he was dealing with some measure of self hate for being a child or was trying to impress me, a grownup.

Sometimes he would sing a version of I Believe I Can Fly that sounded more like the Seal version from Space Jam than the original. The night of our concert arrived and it was time for me and Justin to get into costume. He picked out a red crushed velvet pantsuit that belonged to Clara at Belden house and was given a long wig with bangs and some makeup. He looked like a miniature version of one of The Rolling Stones during a long haired glam era. I put on a maroon tuxedo with a big red velvet bow tie and painted my face with Black Metal style corpse paint. I hung a rubber skull with a generic ‘80s hair metal rocker wig from my bass for effect.

I hadn’t accounted for how much of a pain in the ass Justin was going to be at the show. He kept running over into the closed off bowling lanes and trying to stick his foot into the ball return machines. He convinced several bemused concertgoers to buy his autograph but some of his other antics were attracting the ire of the venue’s staff. I was excited to finally socialize as a “featured artist” but found myself constantly needing to extricate Justin from somewhere he wasn’t wanted or otherwise redirect his often destructive attention.

The other local act Missing Tooth took the stage. It was a couple of older ladies playing drums and keyboards while dressed up in sparkly outfits from the disco era. Finally Justin was sitting and watching a band with silent, unwavering attention. His legs were even neatly crossed as if he was at a public library story hour. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and took a seat next to him.

He looked at me and gasped “you can see the whole side of her boob!”, in almost reverent tones.

Many years later I would end up in a rap group with Virginia, the woman with the side boob, called Chew on This where she played drums and rapped KO d of like Sheila E. We unfortunately never recorded but we did get to play with my favorite Japanese Zeuhl band Kōenji Hyakkei when Chicago’s Cheer Accident invited us to do one of our raps during their set.

When it was time for Spidermammal to take the stage Janice pulled Justin aside for some last minute instruction:

“Now Justin make sure you don’t say any bad words or anything racist because the people here won’t like that.”

I know that she meant well but it probably wasn’t the smartest approach for this particular ten year old. I could literally see the light bulb form above his head. I managed to more or less sing into the microphone for our first song like I had practiced. Justin looked a little too excited when I handed him the microphone for his part.

I launched into the groovy, walking bassline.

“SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER!”

“SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER!”

Everybody stared at Justin with mouths agape but ultimately he was ten years old and it was an experimental noise show.

I kept the bassline going.

https://zerstyrschonheit.home.blog/